Val Baldwin, CPC
Live Your Ultimate Life

What do guys really want? This is the question most women ask themselves from time to time in any relationship. After interviewing and working with a wide variety of men and couples, it became very clear that men have some deeper wants and needs that they don’t always share with their female counterparts. So in the interest of greater relationships everywhere, listen up ladies. Here’s a list of what guys really want from the women in their lives.

1. Your man wants you to tell him what you want. Of course, sharing what you really want with them doesn’t guarantee you’ll get it. But it sure increases the odds. Plus it eliminates the need for them to make dubious assumptions, make crazy guesses or try to read your mind. For starters men want you to tell them how and when you prefer to be touched, how you want to be comforted when you’re feeling low and what you really want on your birthday. Share what you want as a request, not a demand, and it will be happily received.

2. When your man is grumpy, sullen or withdrawn, he wants you to understand that it’s probably not about you. Guys have their ups and downs just like women do. Often they’re not even conscious of what’s going on. They just know something’s not quite right, and they tend to pull back. From your perspective, it may be easy to think they are mad at you or dissatisfied with the relationship, when frequently it’s just that they’re not at peace with themselves, which brings us to . . .

3. Men sometimes want time alone. Don’t take their desire for solitude personally. Occasionally they just want some down time to “be,” to consider their own wants and needs, to reconnect with who they really are, and not get you mixed up in it, so they can come back and offer you the best of who they are.

4. Just listen when they dream out loud. Sometimes guys like to share their dreams out loud. When they do they are not asking for your approval, feedback, opinion on how realistic they are or strategies for achieving them. They’re merely having fun envisioning future possibilities that they may or may not intend to actually have happen.

5. If you’re mad about something, put it out straight. If your guy does something and you react with anger, they would appreciate it if you’d share your displeasure then and there. It might not be very pleasant, but it’s a heck of a lot better for them than being blindsided by pent up resentment that leaks out days or months after the original event occurred.

6. Be gentle with your language. Frequently teasing, clever banter and wisecracks directed towards your man or toward the male sex in general are actually thinly disguised criticism and disapproval. This kind of behavior tears at the fabric of their connection, and when they on the receiving end, it hurts more than they’re typically willing to let on.

7. They like to be acknowledged. Let your guy know when they’ve done something for which you are grateful. A simple, sincere “thank you” can foster a stronger connection between you as well as increase their desire to keep doing that appreciated action or way of being.

8. Men want you to love them as they are. Guys are not here to live up to your expectations. They’re not projects or fixer-uppers. They are what they are. Having said that . . .

9. They want you to help them remember who they are when they forget. As members of the human race, men sometimes forget who they really are and what they’re doing here. At times like these they yearn for you to nudge them in the right direction. They may resist at first, but when you compassionately remind them of their strengths, their personal power and the gifts they have to offer the world, they’ll ultimately be deeply grateful for your love and support.

10. Fully commit to the relationship. I know ladies….you’re surprised at this one. Men are supposed to be the ones with commitment issues. But when a man is assured that you’re in all the way, the space is opened for him to join you. And when that happens, there’s no more looking around for someone better, no more “should I stay or should I go,” no more exit strategies. You’re both on firm ground and can relax and enjoy it.

When all is said and done, men are just guys . . . with hearts and minds and spirits like ours. Wanting to connect, wanting to love and be loved, wanting to express their tenderness toward you . . . but sometimes just aren’t quite sure how.

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