6 Ways to Become the Person You Want To Be
Val Baldwin, CPC
Live Your Ultimate Life
Could your personality use some adjustments? Would you like to be calmer, happier and more confident? New research suggests it’s possible to reshape the traits you were born with so you can become all these things and more.
If you’ve always justified your negative behaviors by saying “I was born with this personality and that’s just the way I am”. It’s time to change your tune and get an attitude adjustment. Personality is also about the choices we make and the things we do. And because much of what we do is learned, it’s possible to train ourselves to act differently. It will take effort, time and patience but the results will be worth it. Here’s what you can do to make it happen.
Like any kind of life change, changing your personality starts with desire, then calls for motivation, effort and time. A good analogy is quitting smoking, which takes an average of 10 years. Since personality traits are at least as entrenched as habits, you should allow yourself that long.
It also helps to begin by making relatively small changes. Instead of promising to become more agreeable 24/7, modify how you act in situations where that trait comes into play. For instance, if you’d like to be less irritable with your partner, try listening with more empathy during your next argument. Small changes can eventually snowball into bigger ones.
Act “As If”. Scientific research shows that to change your feelings about something, if you first change your behavior to act “as if” you had those feelings, then the true feelings will follow.
Here’s other key ways to help change your personality for the better.
- TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE.
Afraid to speak up? Jump to the end of the discussion and imagine how you’d feel if you walked away saying nothing. Focus on that regret and you’ll talk despite yourself.
- TO BE MORE PATIENT.
When you’re frustrated by how long something is taking, try noticing 5 things around you. It will distract you and more importantly bring you back into the moment.
- TO BE MORE CHEERFUL.
Having a happy personality isn’t magical; it takes effort. Your brain cannot process fear and gratitude at the same time. It’s impossible. If you want to be happier and have less fear….which is the cause of anger, hate and all negative behavior….develop an attitude of gratitude. Start pushing yourself to do things like answering the phone with a bright hello or smiling at the receptionist when you get to work in the morning, that cheerfulness will become more and more automatic.
- Start a gratitude journal. Last thing at night or first thing in the morning, written down 3 things you are thankful for. Just simple things in life that give you joy or make you smile. This puts you in a gratitude state of mind, which will make you more happy, more appreciative and cheerful.
- TO BE LESS FEARFUL.
The more you give in to fear, the more fearful you’ll be. On the other hand, the more you take risks, the more you’ll want to take them. The only way to be more daring is to keep doing new things. Push your limits. Life’s biggest rewards come from our biggest challenges.
- Go to a movie alone
- Speak to the stranger next to you in the check-out line
- Give a speech
- Take a rock climbing lesson
- TO BE LESS CRITICAL.
As friends or family to call you on it when you’re being negative, then make a point of saying something positive instead. Over time, you’ll start to notice how you react yourself. That’s when you’ll be able to modify your behavior.
It will soon become a habit and you’ll start to look for the good in others instead of always be critical.
- Challenge yourself to give 3 compliments or encouraging words to someone everyday. They can be to friends, co-workers or strangers. Doesn’t matter, just do it. If you can’t think of something...think HARDER!
- TO BE LESS OF A WORRYWART.
Worrying can be a way of finding solutions, but not if your thoughts keep going in circles. To break the fretting cycle, ask yourself where worry is getting you. Being able to see that the answer is NOWHERE will help you learn to do it less.
- Ask yourself “what’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?”
- “Could I get through it?” 95% of the time your answer will be yes, I could get through it. So stop worrying!
You can change your personality for the better. Tackle one trait at a time, make a plan, set a goal and stick to it. The positive changes will come ... in time.
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